Give in or go on?

So, I've mentioned that I've felt moved, called, (whatever you want to call it) to write a book. I signed up for a Christian author's publishing conference in early June to give myself a kick start. The content was good, the people were excellent, and the prospects of publishing were put into reality as slim.

I can deal with slim chances on publishing hopes. This gig is kind of like wanting to be a rock star. Many with talent try, but few succeed. I'm not doing this for fame, but I do want what God wants to say through my words and my life to be spread as far as possible.

What was REALLY weird and a bit unnerving is this:
1. On my way to the conference day one -- I ran into a huge road construction delay.
2. On my way to the conference day two -- flooding had closed the short cut I had discovered to avoid the road construction and the event's parking lot had 3 feet of water in it.
3. On my way to the conference day four -- a 5K run was underway and I had to circle for 20 minutes to find a legal place to park.
4. The kicker is this -- I submitted a sample chapter from my book and a book proposal for evaluation prior to the conference. They were to be returned to me at the conference. On conference day three, I was told there was a delay with some of the "official reviewers" getting all the submissions thoroughly evaluated -- my manuscript and proposal would be mailed to me the following week. Well, it's been a month. So today I learn both submissions, although recorded as "received," have gone MIA. I need to resubmit and wait.

Seriously?

Now, I can see the humor or irony or whatever in this scenario. And I'm not one to turn all things into signs from above. Still, I begin to wonder if "stop" or "wait" or "nobody cares" is an answer.

It all prompts me to ponder -- when do we crash through the roadblocks and when do we say uncle?

It's so simple...yet not easy

Philippians 1:27: Conduct yourselves in a manner worthy of the gospel.

Why? Gratitude
How? Humility
When? All the time
Where? In all places

Show and Tell

A few weeks ago it was my nine-year-old stepson’s “Spotlight” day at school. For you of advanced age like me, that’s what we knew as “Show and Tell.” William got to put together a poster with pictures of him as a baby, with grandparents, and playing baseball. He showed it to his classmates and told them a bit about his world outside of Mrs. Tricket’s classroom. He was also able to take a special item for the class to see. He chose our Beagle, Jackson.

Jackson was quite a hit – especially with the girls who stroked his ears and let him give them kisses. He put on a great act as a good dog for the 15 minutes I had him in the classroom! William told about Jack’s habits – his howling, his insistence upon owning the fuzzy blanket on the couch, and his poop-eating. That stopped the kissing in a hurry!

The Show and Tell session had the other kids asking lots of questions and truly knowing William better. They wrote him notes about what they’d learned.

Showing and telling has impact.

Jesus was the master of show and tell.

Matthew records a version of Jesus’ story in the Bible. It starts with His strange family tree, His birth to a virgin, His escape from Herod to Egypt, and His return to Judah (Israel) and the Galilee region. Then, we learn of John the Baptist – a cousin of Jesus’ – calling people to repent because God’s Kingdom is coming soon, and they’ll want to be “right” with Him. John gets the privilege of baptizing Jesus, and we see God’s acknowledgment of Him as His son in human form.

Immediately after His baptism, we hear about Jesus being tested by evil for 40 days. He overcomes evil with the Truth. Then…He begins to preach – the Kingdom of God is near – repent (turn around). In fact, the Kingdom of God had come to the earth through Jesus, though not all would recognize it.

Jesus begins to preach and the very next thing he does is start building a team. I think there’s something to learn here.

Matt 3:18-22 --
18 As Jesus was walking beside the Sea of Galilee, he saw two brothers, Simon called Peter and his brother Andrew. They were casting a net into the lake, for they were fishermen. 19 “Come, follow me,” Jesus said, “and I will send you out to fish for people.” 20 At once they left their nets and followed him. 21 Going on from there, he saw two other brothers, James son of Zebedee and his brother John. They were in a boat with their father Zebedee, preparing their nets. Jesus called them, 22 and immediately they left the boat and their father and followed him.

Why did they follow? We are not told, but I have to believe they surrendered their hearts to the truth of who Jesus is.

Where did they go?They went into a crash course in Show and Tell and Show and GO!

First – off to witness Jesus to heal the sick, then to listen to Jesus’ longest and perhaps richest sermon, known as The Sermon on the Mount.

It covered:
Matthew 5
- The condition of our hearts and God’s closeness to us (Beatitudes)
- Our impact in the world (salt and light)
- His role to fulfill the law (what is right)
- How the law points out sin – but it’s about our heart attitude – not just our actions

Matthew 6
- Living out faith by: giving to the needy, through prayer and fasting, by storing our treasures in heaven, and not worrying

Matthew 7
- Jesus’ students were challenged to not judge, to ask, seek and knock, to enter through the narrow gate, to discern leaders’ intentions, and to build on rock – the truth of Jesus as savior and king.

Moving on in Matthew's account, Jesus again SHOWS the disciples the truth of who he is by calming a storm, restoring a demon-possessed man, and healing a paralyzed man.

Then, he calls Matthew, the author of this story, who needed healing spiritually, as we all do!

All this is followed by more healings. And then Jesus sends out his disciples to multiple His efforts.

We get a rich pattern here of show and tell and show and GO!:
Jesus shows us who he is as truth teller and miracle worker
Jesus tells us to follow him (it’s not a question – but it is an invitation)
Jesus shows us who he is…
Jesus tells us Truth
Jesus shows us who he is…
Jesus sends us out to be his representatives. He tells us to GO!

When He said to fishermen Peter and Andrew, “Come, follow me, and I will make you fishers of people,” they dropped their nets and followed him.

That took courage. He taught them with words and by demonstrating to them what it meant to love God and love others. That call “follow me” was to a profound mission to reach and to teach – to reach people who needed God and to teach them His ways.

Jesus asks us all to follow him…and he teaches us how through show and tell examples in the bible and through people he puts in our paths day-to-day.

To love God is to know Him by following and learning who He is and the beauty of His character. To love others is to complete the cycle that Jesus had with His disciples. “I’ve shown you my power. I’ve told you who I am and called you to a worthy mission of sharing who I am,” he says.

At the end of Matthew’s version of Jesus’ life – after Jesus has suffered, died, and risen from the grave, he tells his disciples “Therefore, go and make disciples of all nations…”

That’s our mission… to learn, grow, and go – through showing and telling -- and by showing and telling. As we show and tell of His glory, we expose people to His love and His power works through us to reflect a life of purpose.

Listen to Jesus' story, and then tell His story. Receive His love, and then show people his love.

For nine-year-old William, sharing his hobbies and his crazy dog with his class opened up his world to bigger, better-connected relationships – in a third grade way. But that’s how we all are drawn to bigger, better-connected relationships…through show and tell and show and GO!

Happy Trails!

Participating in Bob Lowery's funeral yesterday was bittersweet. It was filled with fitting tributes and laugh-out-loud anecdotes. It was so good to see former classmates and professors -- and so sad to say goodbye. In the end, the 2-hour tribute which honored God first and Bob second, was closed with hundreds singing "Happy Trails." Bob was a cowboy at heart, you see. He fought the good fight, loved well, and served many. He lived by the book -- God's book.


Lyrics to "Happy Trails" by Dale Evans Rogers
Happy trails to you, until we meet again.
Happy trails to you, keep smilin' until then.
Who cares about the clouds when we're together?
Just sing a song and bring the sunny weather.
Happy trails to you, 'till we meet again.

Some trails are happy ones,
Others are blue.
It's the way you ride the trail that counts,
Here's a happy one for you.

Happy trails to you, until we meet again.
Happy trails to you, keep smilin' until then.
Who cares about the clouds when we're together?
Just sing a song and bring the sunny weather.

Happy trails to you, 'till we meet again.



Alternate Religious Verse:
Happy trails to you, it's great to say "hello".
And to share with you the trail we've come to know.
It started on the day that we met Jesus,
He came into our hearts and then he freed us.
For a life that's true, a happy trail to you.



Roy Rogers Riders Club Rules:
1. Be neat and clean.
2. Be courteous and polite.
3. Always obey your parents.
4. Protect the weak and help them.
5. Be brave but never take chances.
6. Study hard and learn all you can.
7. Be kind to animals and take care of them.
8. Eat all your food and never waste any.
9. Love God and go to Sunday school regularly.
10. Always respect our flag and our country.

Singing

‎"If we listen to John, we learn that in the end, you, I, indeed, everyone, will have a new beginning, either the most wonderful or the most awful beginning of all. It is an ending that leads to rhapsody because we stand before the reigning Lord and the redeeming Lamb or to woe because we are banished forever from their presence. In the end, what makes the difference is the song we sing." - Robert Lowery

This quote is from "Revelation's Rhapsody", a book by Bob that my classmates and I (who were in his 2005 Revelation course) were privileged to participate in creating. In his humble wisdom, Bob always invited the dialogue of fellow believers to inform his scholarship.

Bob is singing for Jesus in His full presence today -- and for all time. My head says "Rejoice!" -- my heart isn't there yet.

Simple Wisdom from an Excellent Teacher

Dr. Robert Lowery - Academic Dean of Lincoln Christian University's Seminary - PhD in New Testament from Aberdeen University - Teacher - Pastor - Friend - Grandfather - Father - Husband -- is nearing the end of his journey on earth. He soon gets to know if His understanding of what happens after his heart stops is what he's believed for 50+ years. I believe it will be even better than he or I or you can imagine.

One of Doc's final formal speaking engagements was February 19 at a seminar for Church leaders. I was blessed to be a part of the gathering. He said many, many thought provoking things (as Doc always does). But this I will cling to:

"When all the ink is spilled about the mission and the purpose of the Church: it is simply to glorify God. It is to make more and better disciples of Jesus, period. According to the New Testament, the Church is thoroughly organized when all God's people are spiritually equipped and empowered to serve God."

It sounds so obvious, doesn't it? But I see "us" (the Church) get in our own way many times through debating the finer points of "who?" "how?" and "when?" instead of focusing on the simple, clear, effective truth.

I pray that in honor of Bob and to honor God, I will keep my focus on what is simple and clear in order to be effective for His glory.

Get Real

Ignorance may, in fact, be bliss. I have days when I wish blissful ignorance would descend upon me. But, once exposed to the truth, God's truth, we are no longer ignorant and we become continually challenged with the need to be real and accept the "realness" of others.

I'm glad to live in the space where the curtain has been pulled back some...but it isn't easy.

Consider this past Easter weekend...

1. I had the privilege of helping a woman publicly tell her story of sexual abuse, turning her back on God, and looking for love in all the wrong places -- including alcoholism. After 40 years, God's truth has restored her to the woman she was intended to be. Powerful; but so real it feels like taking a gut-punch.

2. One of my dearest friends shared her own powerful story at her church in California. Also a childhood victim of sexual abuse and abandonment, she too has only recently become fully free by the power of God's truth. It was "the best day of my life," she reports. Still, someone she had counted on to support her, didn't show up. Another punch.

3. I learned today that my professor and friend Bob is in hospice care. Losing another precious friend to cancer is sickening, but I must sit with the pain and loss.

4. My cousin broke her ankle last week. And while for healthy folks this would be a painful inconvenience, for Jill medical complications made it a life or death issue. The reality of that fact is frightening.

5. I also "got real" with my 14-year-old stepson this weekend as we watched "The Passion of the Christ." The impact of the senseless violence that preceded Jesus' death was real to him. "I can't get the blood out of my mind," he said the next morning. I reminded him that he'd seen bloody scenes on TV and in movies before, and he said, "This is different. I didn't really care about those people." The Passion wasn't a made up event. It was real and so is its gut-punch impact. I thank Jesus so much for the sacrifice, but feel saddened to know (as much as a human can) the depth of his suffering.

No wonder many people choose to live at the surface. It doesn't cost as much as diving deep and getting real. The problem is that life's value is in its realness -- pain and all.

Today my prayer is to embrace what's real instead of bracing for it. Getting real isn't for faint of heart -- and it rarely garners applause. But it pleases God as we learn to mature and obey regardless of the cost.

Puttin' it Out There

I'm trained as a journalist. I love words and how they can crystallize thought.

For 25 years, writing has been a huge part of my "day jobs." I imagine that will always be true while I'm in the workforce.

But for some time, I've felt the nudge (or even push) to write more than a blog in my "spare time." I've had the desire to create a book. The problem is that I have had many good thoughts on how the book starts, but have not been able to create an outline that looked like a complete product...until now.

Recently, I attended a seminar called "Leading by the Book," conducted by my former seminary professor Bob Lowery. Bob, who is in failing health, is a force of humility, knowledge, and passion for God and for teaching others. That day, he repeated words that had crystallized a thought for me years ago. Bob asserted that God's grace is ever saving, sustaining, and surprising.

I've used that thought in sermons, in conversation, and in my personal meditations over time. But when he said it during the seminar, my mind and heart woke up to the focus the book to be written: "The Case for Grace."

The concept is a combination of stories from Scripture interlaced with personal experiences of how "real" God and His grace are in our lives. The work will by divided into the categories of saving grace, sustaining grace, and surprising grace.


Here's the prologue: God is alive. He’s as real as anything or anyone you can see or touch. Jesus, His son, came from heaven to earth, taught truth, died for all of our failures, and yet is alive again. Jesus’ sacrifice was a gift to all who will believe in Him. It was and is a gift of grace. Grace empowers all who believe those truths. It’s not a psychological crutch; it’s high octane, life-giving and life-sustaining fuel. How do I know these things to be true? I live it! But it wasn’t always that way…

I have signed up for "Write to Publish" seminar in June and need to have the outline and a 10-page chapter excerpt complete.

I'd like to know if this approach appeals to you as a potential reader or one who would recommend such a read to others.

Follow me!

In January, my husband Brad and I headed for one of the most beautiful and relaxing spots I know -- Alta, Utah. While others wish for beaches in the dead of winter, I crave deep powder and the opportunity to ski, eat, sleep, and repeat -- little else. Alta is not a "foo foo" ski resort area. Serious skiers (no snowboarders allowed) who want great snow without all the trappings of spas and shops and high-end restaurants go to Alta. We ski all day and sit in the lounge pretty much each night and eat pizza, feeding the crust to one or more of the "lodge dogs" who befriend us -- as long as we have food. I love the place!

Anyway, for this long weekend get-away, we packed up our brand new skis and boots and headed west. We had agreed that this time we would take a ski lesson the first day. Both of us are run-of-the-mill blue run (intermediate) skiers, but went with the desire to perfect our skills in order to ski steeper parts of the amazing Wasatch mountains.

Brad and I ended up with different instructors. Bob was my teacher. He is 75-years-old and has been a ski instructor nearly 50 years at Alta. Bob is tall and fit with a big yellowing-toothed smile. He met his troop of five adult students with exuberance. Bob was psyched for teaching us new skills.

We took the chairlift to a mid-mountain point and Bob pulled us together. He spoke of the freeing nature of skiing and how fun it can/should be. He addressed our issues and fears. He spoke words of specific instruction, and then he took off down the slope shouting, "Follow me!" We did. We had to, because Bob was becoming smaller and smaller as he floated away from the group.

We repeated this pattern over and over -- to the bottom and back up many times. One of the most valuable things Bob taught me was how to balance my skis perpendicular to the slope and allow myself to slide sideways while under control. The value of this move is that when a skier finds herself in a tight spot where it seems too steep or narrow to turn safely -- she can slide slowly by flexing the skis until reaching terrain that's within her comfort zone. Bob preached "practice and patience" as I got the hang of the technique.

Unfortunately, about half-way through the lesson, my new boots were causing me great pain. My left calf muscle was cramping so bad, that while skiing I'd often have to lift that leg and ski only on the right in order to find relief. That was a trick Bob hadn't taught!

So the last time up the mountain when Bob said, "You are all ready! I'm taking all of you to the top (where the "big boys" ski the steeps)," I nearly cried. My leg hurt so badly I knew that going to the top was not an option for me. I was certain I couldn't get down safely given the boot issue.

Bob understood -- but wanted me to have the "summit" experience so badly he offered to skip his lunch break and take me back up after I'd taken the boot off and stretched a while. It was a gracious offer, but I didn't accept it. Instead, I asked Bob if he was available for private lessons the next day. That way he could take both Brad and me to the top and offer instruction and encouragement. He said he'd love to, but "tomorrow" was Sunday, and on Sundays (for his entire adult life) he never teaches because he takes his wife to church and spends the day honoring God and with her.

"Awesome!" I said. "I completely understand and respect that."

He handed me his business card and said, "If you feel better by lunchtime, call me and we'll head up. You're ready."

With that, Bob and my four classmates boarded another lift for the summit. I skied down in pain and found a coffee shop.

I had learned alot, but felt defeated and literally hobbled by pain. I didn't/couldn't ski the rest of the day. A technician tried to adjust my boot -- but with little improvement. I was truly depressed.

The next day dawned with a beautiful sunrise. Brad and I had agreed to take it slow and test out our new skills. He had an injury to his shin from rubbing against the boot that was limiting his ability as well.

I prayed and sang praise songs to myself as we made our way to the lift. We went up to the half-way point and discussed taking the next lift to the summit. But standing there and watching the skiers come down from the top, I became truly scared. It was steep! The runs were narrow! I was still hurting! Yikes!

We skied down from where we stood and discussed options. "Let's do one more run from here and see how we feel," I suggested.

So up we went back up to the familiar halfway point.

"We have to just go," I told Brad while heading for the lift to the summit. He followed, and soon we were on the chairlift. No turning back.

At the top, we stood for several minutes just taking in the beauty. We could see in all directions from truly the top of the world -- at least in that area. But our awe turned to fear again as we realized that the trails marked "easier way" were still significantly steeper and narrower than any terrain we'd ever skied.

I looked at Brad and said, "We have to just get started. Pick a point to stop at and regroup. We'll take it in sections."

Bob's words were very present in my head, but I did wish he'd been there to physically guide me. So I went through his mantra out loud: "Relax - feel the skis - let 'em run - control your turn with patience -- balance with your upper body." Soon we were down a ways and still upright! At that point, however, we had to take a sharp turn down a narrow trail to avoid the steepest of all terrain.

"I can't do this," I thought (and probably said). But having no real option other than rolling down the mountain like Bullwinkle as a snowball, I started the controlled slide Bob had taught. "Patience -- the skis will do what you want -- let 'em slide -- don't panic -- wait to turn at a good spot."

It worked! I negotiated the tight turn and grew more confident as we made our way down section by section.

We did it without falling or giving up! We overcame the fear and embraced the experience. Bob would have been so proud.

Back at the lodge that afternoon with boot issues still limiting us, I began to think about all that had transpired. Bob's teaching style became suddenly familiar.

He engaged me with his passion. He instructed me with wisdom and experience. He asked me to imitate him through practice (Follow me!). He encouraged me. He extended himself to serve me; yet he had boundaries on what he needed to prioritize. His words were with me even when he wasn't.

Bob was modeling Jesus.

I was doing my part, too. I was teachable, accountable, and faithful -- despite the fear.

God is so good to us in so many ways. At Alta, he was good to me by showing himself through Bob. When Jesus said to Peter and Andrew (Matt 4): “Come, follow me, and I will send you out to fish for people” they dropped their nets and followed him.

He was calling them to a mission -- to hook people for God's glory. My mission of skiing from the top of Alta certainly isn't profound as an achievement, but my witnessing and participating in bringing glory to God by modeling his ways IS profound -- and edifying -- and encouraging -- and wonderful!

Thank you, Bob!

A Fruitful Fast

I don't know how you feel about fasting. Let me simply say that I respect those who do fast and pray to find spiritual breakthrough. Don't ask me to join you, however, because I get that "If I hold my breath long enough, mom will give me the cookie" feeling when asked to join someone else's fast.




But I started a 30-day fast February 28, and the results are already proving powerful.

I'm fasting from my right to be right.

Of late (as even my blog posts reveal), I've felt attacked, maligned, and marginalized in a number of venues. But as I read a book on Joseph of the Old Testament, I became acutely aware that my persecutions are mild compared to his or, perhaps, most people's. I have had a really difficult time not taking "things" personally and reacting in a way that's either defensive or labels my attacker as clearly unaware or even stupid. I've justified my judgments by claiming I was right.

Interestingly, I MAY be right in many cases. But as the book pointed out: "Greatness is rarely determined by a person's achievements, but always by his (her) attitude."

I want to be one remembered as having a great attitude -- a Christ-like attitude -- not as one who was "right." So, the fast began. And immediately -- as though I'd given up potato chips -- I was given opportunity to indulge on a feast. I have, through God's guidance and power, resisted those opportunities. And you know what? When I wanted to defend myself but remained silent, someone else stepped up to speak on my behalf. When I've wanted to make a point of being "right" -- I've let my need go and the feeling passed quickly.

This laying down my rights thing is an on-going story/need in my life, but I'm seeing -- and liking -- the fruit this time. God is my defender. He is with me and for me. I don't have to fight; just obey. Keep reminding me, Lord!

When is forgiveness complete?

For us mortals, forgiveness by God was complete once-and-for-all when we accepted Jesus' gift of forgiveness of our sins, which he paid for with His life.

But what about forgiving one another? When is my forgiveness of one who's wronged me complete?

Well, I was speaking with a wise woman today concerning this topic. My end of the conversation went something like, "I don't wish (them) ill will -- I've let them off my hook..."

My friend said delicately, but directly, "Ann, if 'they' are still taking up space in your brain over what's transpired -- or might happen in the future, you haven't fully forgiven them and you are, in fact, judging them."

Ouch! The truth hurts -- but it's sooooo good.

God, free my mind from thought of those who have wronged me and open my heart to true forgiveness that depends not at all on their behavior (past or future) -- but on Your grace.

Amen!

I will praise you in THIS storm

Are you familiar with the Casting Crowns song, "Praise You in This Storm"?
It's a a beautiful message to God that, "You are who you are no matter where I am."

I've clung to that verse through many literal and figurative storms over the past several years.

I'm particularly struck by one seemingly subtle lyric. "I will praise you in THIS storm" -- not "I will praise you in THE storm."

The difference is striking because praising God in THIS storm means two things -- I will praise Him in the middle of the current storm, and...there will be more storms.


Here are photos of my friend Mike's destroyed home (see previous post for his story).

In that specific and horrific "storm" -- as it was happening -- he was praising God for His provisions. The photos are frightening. The attitude is amazing. God is the bridge between.

Yesterday, I spent 18 hours traveling to beat the pending blizzard home from Salt Lake City. Long day...airline delays...rude travelers...really bad roads home from Chicago...I caught another cold...

I can't say my attitude was purely praise, but as I white-knuckled the car down I-55 from Chicago to Bloomington, Illinois, the song I've referenced kept cycling through my head. It helped -- because it's truth.

We are bracing here today for 15-20 inches of snow. I will stock up on food (and videos for the boys to watch) and listen to Casting Crowns on my Walkman to keep my attitude in check.

Let it snow! I will praise Him in THIS Storm!

Irony and Perspective

With my head out of the funk for the most part, yesterday was an "enlarge your heart" day. I reached out to a number of friends with simple, short messages. One such message was to my college buddy Mike Keller. Mike is an awesome person who I had "found" again after 25 years thanks to Facebook. We've chatted online about life and how God is the singular most important force in our lives (not the case in college).

Anyway, I hadn't heard from him since last fall, so I sent a very brief Facebook message:

"Happy New Year...a little late"

Little did I know the irony and truth in those words. Last night, Mike replied. The following are excerpts of his message -- posted with his permission. I can add nothing to the brilliance of this irony and perspective...

Thanks for your message! So, do you have a moment? Well, I can't tell a short story especially comes to a story where God is AWESOME and does incredible things in the midst of less than . . . well, happy circumstances. Mind you, unhappy circumstances don't have to mean that they aren't full of joy because . . . I guess that will be apparent in a bit.

What were you doing December 30? I had the day off. My aunt was coming back from Louisiana, so I got up early to pick her up at the train station. As is my custom, I fixed the fire in our wood-burning furnace and emptied the ashes into an ash bucket which I put on the concrete patio. That was about 6 a.m., and I took off about 7:30.

About 8 a.m., Ruth (wife) woke up because she smelled smoke, but didn't think much of it as it was an extremely windy day and sometimes the smoke backs up through the furnace leaving a whiff. It happened again about 10 minutes later and again she rolled over and went back to sleep. A little while later, she heard a pop and went downstairs to investigate. This time the smoke smelled like there was some plastic like substance burning. She went outside and found the pile where we keep the wood to be burned afire. The fire had gone up the outside wall of the house. She called 911 and drug the BBQ grill with its butane tank out of harm's way. She then grabbed her purse and backed the car out of the garage and far from the house. The firemen responded fairly quickly, but the fire was already engaged on two-thirds of the back of the house and had gotten into the attic. From there it just went crazy, consuming the attic, the roof and started working its way through the rest of the house.

Meanwhile, I am in St. Louis when Ruth calls me. By the time I get home, the roof is down and it is a pretty spectacular site. People are coming from everywhere offering assistance and the firemen are incredible in their sensitivity, their professionalism, and their overall dedication and concern. The fire is considered "out" by early afternoon, but we are warned that there will be hot spots which could flame up again. We stay for a while noticing that some smoke is increasing in intensity. We call the fire chief and he sends out a team who find a live fire amidst the rubble. They put it out and soaked down the area.

In the midst of this, I am amazed again by how many people have come out to support us and just be there. Ruth doesn't have shoes or a coat and the neighbors bring a blanket and slippers. My cousin "couldn't stand being at work knowing what was going on" and spent the entire afternoon with us. She brought a whole bunch of Kleenex. Another cousin brought toilet paper. I found myself joking and laughing with people and despite the circumstances (which also brought more than a tear or two) found that I was actually full of peace and joy. My sister came and as we hugged and shook together I had to ask her if she was laughing or crying cause I was laughing -- joy, joy, joy. She couldn't help but laugh a bit too.

We went to my parents and my nephew, who came down with his wife, brought things like toothbrushes, toothpaste, a razor, shaving cream, and other essentials. Then, they went and got the essentials for Gracie our cat.

Kayla (daughter) was at a friend's sleeping over and Byron (son) was in Champaign. My niece called the Red Cross who came and gave us a credit card to use on food and clothes. It was amazing.

That night before bedtime, we prayed together and commented on how much we were at peace considering the circumstances. Sleep wasn't particularly restful and at 3 a.m. Ruth's sister who happened to be on vacation in Ireland called. It seems it was becoming an international incident. At 3:30 a.m., a neighbor called and said that he had called 911 as the remainder of the house (the garage and a good portion of the kitchen had remained) was now engaged. By the time I got there, it was all gone. Oddly, the room that was least affected was our bedroom. Incredible.

So, let me give you some numbers. I have written 70 thank you notes, in addition to the ones that Ruth and Kayla wrote -- and not counting the e-mail I sent thanking the almost 30 people at work for their support. My boss drove 40 miles to be there when he heard. We have received more gift cards than there are stores and restaurants and enough contributions to pay off the debt of several Pacific nations. No one got hurt. And in the end, nothing significant was lost. How's that? Kayla and I have agreed, that we can't think of much of anything in that house that meant even a tenth of what all of those well wishers and supporters mean to us.

Memories? Yes we lost some photos and other things; but the crazy thing is we haven't looked at them in years and there is a good chance we never would have. It's all stuff -- and if you don't mind me saying -- nonsense. There are things we need, but nothing NOTHING is more important than relationships: Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength and, mind you, love your neighbor as yourself for when the end comes and all burns as it surely will, those are the only things we have!

Funny stuff:
- On the morning of the 31st we didn't ask "What should I wear today?"

- We went to Panda Express and the fortune cookie said, "Health and prosperity will come to your door". We don't have a door.

- My sister was tempted to bring marshmallows. Her husband stopped her.

- We all had thoughts prior to the fire (Ruth, Kayla and I) that we never discussed amongst ourselves that basically went like this: What are we ever going to do with the extra junk we have in our house? God has a great sense of humor.


Right now we are living in a two bedroom house. It's furnished down to the dishes and the bed linens. The insurance company has been amazing and today we received checks for more money than I have ever had in my possession at one time. And in a couple of months, when our prayers are answered, we are going to have a new house (almost in time for our 25th wedding anniversary) that we can use to bring glory to God's name for the things He has done for us.

I have to tell you that the casual way we say "God is Good" doesn't come anywhere near what God truly is!!!

So that's about all for now. Hope your year is going half as well as ours, because we have been blessed beyond measure and we have been used to allow others to follow where God leads in order to do what He says: love. And the crazy thing is, He even tells them the correct method to do that in accordance with His formula, plan, and gifting.

God bless you my friend!!!! It's chow time . . .

God is bigger than our intentions

I've been neglecting this blog -- on purpose. I haven't felt as though I've had anything inspiring, profound, or edifying to say. It's been a month or two of hectic, even stressful "stuff."

Through this blog I wish more than anything to encourage others to see and seek the beauty, wisdom and truth of God -- his grace. So while I'm feeling less than encouraged myself, I haven't wanted to say anything (If you can't say anything nice...)

Then, God showed up big time to straighten me out on Sunday.

A little bit of back story...
It's been a challenging time in ministry for me. I'm struggling to figure out my "fit" and all the when, where, how questions. So to simply clear my head, I intended on attending my church Saturday night and going to hear a friend preach at a different church on Sunday. But, I was sick Saturday night and stayed in. Sunday was still rough physically, and I faced a dilemma. Should I go to "my" church Sunday (where my "sister" Sue was being interviewed during the service -- and where I wanted to see all the people), or should I still go hear my friend preach?

Despite a wave of guilt, I made the choice out of an overriding need to be encouraged. I really wanted to hear my friend preach because at his church I'd be a guest -- an observer -- able to just "veg" and maybe walk away more filled. So the family headed to his church -- to meet my need.

About half-way through the sermon he spoke his heart about a season of discouragement in ministry he is struggling through. He spoke of a powerful love for God and the church, but of discouragements as well. He spoke my heart. As I do, I cried.

I left broken, but also strangely encouraged knowing I was not alone in this place of struggle.

Then...that afternoon, my friend sent me this message:
Ann, It was a very pleasant surprise to have you and your family at (church) today. Your life, witness, prayers and interest gave me a needed boost today. Thank you for following your inclination to come. I'd love to have you preach to our group again sometime soon.

I had gone there TO BE encouraged -- feeling like I had nothing to give and with no intention to give of myself. But my friend HAD BEEN encouraged by me just being there.

Wow.

It is in these moments of surprising and sustaining grace that I know more clearly than in any other that there is in fact a God -- a great God -- who IS in control -- who does have a plan -- who does meet our needs -- who uses us to meet others' needs...even when we aren't trying to.

That is the best encouragement of all.

Lesson learned: I don't need to have the right plan or even the right intentions to show and share God's love. I just have to show up. So, friends, I'll be showing up here a lot more often.