Cancer Sucks

I apologize if anyone is offended by the title of today's post -- yet I'm standing by it.

Five years ago,my dear friend and ministry partner, Cynthia, died after battling cancer 5 times over 20 years. It was Mother's Day. Her only child was graduating from college the next weekend. She hadn't been "bad" -- just dehydrated from chemo. She was committed to being a document of God's work in this world. She was. She loved well.

My dear friend Sally continues her battle with Pancreatic cancer. If anybody can "whip it" -- it's Sally. Yet I see what she's gone through, and just this week how she's grieving for the loss of two friends to the dreaded disease. Sally, too, is a living testimony to God's goodness and power; and her passion for life is unparalleled.

My friend and cherished professor, Bob, is fighting for his life. No way to remove or treat his cancer. Still he teaches, lives to the full, and spreads the Word.

This morning, I found out another dear, dear friend is in hospice care. Molly's been a bible study partner, a giggling girlfriend, a deep diver into the things of life, and perhaps the funniest human being God ever created. Molly overcame the C-word more than once before and was doing ok until very recently. We had been texting about getting chocolate milkshakes soon. Now she's slipping away from this world -- from her family -- from me.

I know God is good. I know Molly and the others mentioned are assured of being in His arms for eternity. I know their suffering has purpose. I know God is close to those who mourn. And I know that all those things will matter to me again soon. But right now, they sound hollow.

Cynthia had buttons that said "Cancer Sucks." She handed them out to everyone. I still have one.

I'm going home and put it on.

My Friend Jerry - Part 3

Our praise honors God and changes us…

The exile for the people in Israel was because they would not be obedient to God. He wanted them to know him, to love him. He wanted to bless them, but they didn’t see it. They wouldn’t respond.

We all face our own exile. It is a lonely time. It can either serve to point us to who God is and what he is asking of us in terms of obedience -- or it can bring us to the conclusion that he doesn’t care about us, about me.

My time of exile lasted a few years. It was an extended period of loss, grief, and deep loneliness. Exile has the potential to rob us of our peace and health. I recall being so lonely that despite having wonderful friends who really wanted to “be there” for me, I couldn’t find comfort in that. I remember one particularly painful day driving downtown Bloomington to the Jesus Coffee House where I have spoken many times and come to love the people who frequent that amazing place. Why did I go there? I didn’t know at the time, but looking back it was because somehow I knew Jesus would be here. He was my only hope. I sat and cried with Bonnie who leads the ministry there. I hurt badly, but I knew God was with me.

Pain is pain, and I don’t claim that my story is special or particularly “bad.” We don’t help ourselves by trying to compare stories. Three things I do know to be true:
1. Push in on anyone with a few questions and you will find pain and loneliness, regardless of how good their life is. Simply ask, “Who hurt you?” “Who have you hurt?” “When have you been left hanging… misunderstood or abandoned?” The answers will be revealing.
2. We can overcome the pain with God’s power
3. We do come back from exile, but only if obedient to learning what God has for us there and always one baby step at a time.

God didn’t change my circumstances. He changed me.

A few months after that day at the Jesus Coffee house, I was in the process of selling my 120-year-old house when a nasty hailstorm rolled through, stripping the roof and siding, breaking windows, and filling the dirt-floored basement with muddy water. When I opened the door to the basement, my first instinct was to shut it -- to go to bed -- and to convince myself it would take care of itself.

I could have called for help -- but I didn’t. I went downstairs with a plastic cup. Why a plastic cup? Only God knows! I knew there were many better ways to deal with a flooded basement, but for the next four hours -- one cup of muddy water at a time -- I moved the mess to a drain. It was crazy. It was frustrating. But the strangest thing happened. I felt God’s presence -- not in a joyful, happy way -- but in a “you are not alone” way. With every muddy cup of water, I knew he was with me. After a while, I started to see progress. My body and my spirit ached, but I overcame the mess and I walked back from exile. God was with me. I was pulled up out of the muddy pit I’d been left in, one muddy cup of water at a time.

We all face exile and its loneliness. How will we handle it? Will we do so with perseverance, clinging to truth, with obedience, and with honest comments to God and others about how we feel? Or will we defy God, go our own way, deny truth and blame him or someone else for our life, or pretend our hurt and loneliness doesn’t matter?

We all make that choice, whether we think about it or not. When we choose God, we are never truly alone. When we choose to defy God, we will find loneliness at the end of every road.

Jeremiah didn’t get up every day to face rejection -- he got up to meet with God. He listened, spoke, and acted. He was obedient, and that’s what mattered.

As Eugene Peterson writes, “Faith invades the struggle; it doesn’t eliminate it.”

There are more lessons from my friend Jerry, come back!

My Friend Jerry - Part 2

God came to Jeremiah when he was a boy. He told Jerry that his purpose in life was to tell the people in Jerusalem and all of the country at the time to come back to him. They were living life without acknowledging God. Jeremiah was told that he should continue to repeat God’s message -- over and over and over. He was also told that the very few people would respond.

Jerry responded like any rational person would: “No thanks, God! I’m too young. This doesn’t sound like the life for me.”

But God said, “Yes, you -- dude. (Ok, that’s a paraphrase!) Even before I formed you in your mother’s womb, you were set apart for this mission -- to speak my word to the nations.”

Jerry’s mission was to be a truth-teller, without concern over the outcome. The results were up to God. The results are always God’s responsibility. Jeremiah was simply called to obey God. That is what each of us are called to do -- to obey God.

We each have a mission -- a specific role that only you can accomplish. And we have God’s support to see us through. Your mission matters…and it starts and ends with obedience.

And as simple as obedience might sound, it requires us to be melted of all of our selfishness, anger, and fear and molded into the character of God. It’s like a piece of metal being forged in a fire.

Not everyone leaps at the chance to sign up for that training camp -- but those who do find a richness and fullness to life that money, homes, possessions, jobs, and even families can never provide. Men and women who do let God guide and mold them are never, ever alone. Do you have the heart to be one of them?

Because Jerry said “yes” to God’s mission for his life, his character was crafted by the master-craftsman:

Jerry was strong because of God’s strength
He took the challenge of being transformed into a “fortified bronze wall” according to the book of Jeremiah (1:18-19 and 15:20). It requires “forging” to become a bronze wall… God promised to be always with him and to save him -- not from heartache, but from being overcome by evil. God repeatedly tells him, “I am with you and I will rescue you.”

Jerry had hope (Lam 3:19-25)
“I remember my affliction and my wandering -- the bitterness... I remember, and my soul is downcast…” he said. “Yet… I have hope because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning. Great is your faithfulness (God).”
Jerry’s hope was not in himself, his family, his country or his lotto numbers; it was in God.

Jerry was obedient. He kept going despite his circumstances. (17:16 - “I have not run away from being your shepherd”). He spent 23 years “truth telling” with no response! How did he do it? He knew it was truth whether or not people responded to it. He clung to truth.

Jerry was strong, he had hope, he was obedient -- and this is critical --
Jerry was honest…open…real. He cried out. At one point, he was weary and concerned that God has forgotten him. He said, “Remember me and come for me. I don’t want to be alone.” God assured him again that he was with him. Jeremiah got upset again and begged God to get on with accomplishing what he planned to do -- to bring judgment against the evil nations opposing Israel. He was tired and lonely. Jeremiah eventually reached desperation after being arrested -- again -- and put in stocks and publicly mocked for announcing God’s judgment -- doom and gloom that has not materialized. He launched a powerful, honest, gut wrenching rant at God. In Jeremiah 20:7-13 we hear his heart:

O LORD, you deceived me, and I was deceived; you overpowered me and prevailed. I am ridiculed all day long; everyone mocks me. Whenever I speak, I cry out proclaiming violence and destruction. So the word of the LORD has brought me insult and reproach all day long.

Need that interpreted? “You got me into this and it’s killing me! I’m sick and tired, and I can’t take it anymore.”

But if I say, "I will not mention him or speak any more in his name," his word is in my heart like a fire, a fire shut up in my bones. I am weary of holding it in; indeed, I cannot.

What’s he saying? “If I could go back on our ‘deal,’ God, I would. But I’m stuck! You are inside the marrow of my bones and as much as I hurt and feel this intense loneliness, I HAVE TO do what you have asked me to do.”

I hear many whispering, "Terror on every side! Report him! Let's report him!" All my friends are waiting for me to slip, saying, "Perhaps he will be deceived; then we will prevail over him and take our revenge on him."

Interpretation: “God, do you see how bad it is for me? Do you care?

But the LORD is with me like a mighty warrior; so my persecutors will stumble and not prevail… Sing to the LORD! Give praise to the LORD! He rescues the life of the needy from the hands of the wicked.

He's saying: Despite how I feel -- this is what I know: You are God. Our praise honors God and changes us…

There’s more… come back.

My Friend Jerry

God is always with us and always for us. He never has and never will abandon us. You know that, right? But I’ll bet that most of you, like me, have had times…maybe even right now…when that truth doesn’t ring true.

You don’t see him with you.
You don’t feel like he’s for you.
You feel abandoned.
You feel alone.

How is it that we can know one thing and feel so differently?

I want to tell you about my friend Jerry. He understood all of those feelings, and still knew the truth that God was always with him.

My friend Jerry is in heaven now; but his story is ongoing. It has a huge continuing impact on me, and I think it just might impact you too. He is worth knowing -- his life, his character, and his God.

Jerry's life was filled with heartache and much loneliness. He grew up in the inner city. He had to go to work at an early age, doing what he could on the streets.

His family didn’t want anything to do with him because he marched to a different drummer. He was misunderstood.

Jerry spent time in prison. He was beaten and had bones broken. When he wasn’t in prison, he lived with whoever would take him in. He did have people who helped him. A man literally pulled him out of a muddy, unused city water cistern his enemies had thrown him in and left him for dead.

Jerry was outspoken and rejected for what he would say -- but he said it anyway. He would stand in public places and warn people about evil. People thought he was crazy. He wasn’t.

Jerry would get upset and depressed when he saw people who did bad things seem to prosper with to have families and money and homes. He didn’t understand that.

He was a writer, and his handwritten manuscripts were his only possession of value. But those who thought he was crazy took his writings and burned them. Jerry started over and wrote again.

One time, he was offered a chance to leave the inner city for a better life. He said, “No,” because he had chosen to live the life he was living, which was calling out to the people on the streets to change their ways... to turn away from the evil in the world -- the greed, the selfishness, the violence, and the destruction sin brings. They never responded.

Jerry never married or fathered a child.

He witnessed his city -- the city he fought for -- burn to the ground.

He spent his life with a couple of friends and a few kind strangers, but mostly alone... EXCEPT…………………Except that God was with him -- on every street corner, in every prison, with every step, in every breath, and that makes all the difference.

My friend Jerry is the prophet Jeremiah in the Old Testament of the Bible. He lived more than 2,500 years ago -- but that was his life. Maybe you can identify with parts of it.

I can.

Come back, there's sooooo much more.

Trashed

This poignant reflection was written by a hurting woman several years ago...

There’s a huge pile of trash in front of my house today. It’s an organized heap of valueless garbage. Fortunately, it’s only there for three days when a man with a truck will be paid to take it away. Still, it makes me feel badly. When you pile trash in front of your home, people notice. Some come out of the woodwork to ask you if you are selling or giving away anything “good.” They make small talk. Others poke through the pile when you go inside. Even more drive by and think to themselves, “My, that’s quite a pile of trash in front of her house.”

When your junk is in the driveway, you feel exposed, like part of the pile itself. Maybe that’s why it’s organized -- and on a tarp. Maybe that way, it’s “acceptable junk.”

Scooping up and bagging the shards of glass, broken tiles, wood scraps, soiled rags, mostly empty paint cans, nails, and sawdust; hauling the twisted metal of former treasures; and stacking the water-damaged peg board and unusable appliances is hard work. Physically, the dust clogs your eyes and nose, and the glass and wood tear at your flesh, even when protected. Emotionally, assembling and exposing the junk pile is wrenching for many reasons, but mostly because it’s not “my” trash. You see, this pile is literally the last remnant of my recently ended marriage.

The symbolism is striking.

The residue of infidelity doesn't go away quickly. It’s sticky. It stains, it stinks, and it leaves trash behind for those caught in the middle to clean up. It, like all sin, is forgivable by a holy and merciful God. Thank you, Lord. But while forgiveness cleanses the soul, it doesn't spot clean the pain -- the junk.

People respond to those thrown to the curb as a result of sin much the same as they do to the literal junk pile. Some are oblivious, some drive by and take note but make no direct comment, some blame the one exposing the junk, and a few take the risk to step into the shards and sawdust.

Brothers and sisters, I beg you to get dirty by meeting “trashed” people in the middle of their messes. This doesn't mean solving their problems, taking on their troubles, pushing your own boundaries, or meddling. It’s likely to be uncomfortable. You won’t say “the right thing” (because it doesn't exist). You could be met with tears.

Do it anyway. Please?

Extend your concern. Affirm their value. Let them know you care. These acts go a long way to turn trash into treasure.

Thank God that people helped me turn trash to treasure.

Want to know God's will for your life?

You and I and the whole family of Christ-followers can:
· Be raised up in Christ
· Have perspective on why we are “here”
· Obey and to submit to Gods ways
· Produce good fruit
· Be unified in purpose and intent with other believers
· Be thankful
· Do everything as unto Christ.
– so much as it depends on each of us.

Those principles are outlined by the Apostle Paul in the first part of Colossians 3. The last part of the chapter explains how to live out the first part of the chapter as principles for family life:

Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them. Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord. Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged.

Slaves, obey your earthly masters in everything; and do it, not only when their eye is on you and to win their favor, but with sincerity of heart and reverence for the Lord. Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving.

Much of this text reflects Paul’s letter to the Ephesians which also called for unity through mutual submission in relationships – to God and with each other. Now, be honest, many of us read this and we like parts of Paul’s commands and not others, as if our “fondness” for a given passage of Scripture is the point! And the fact is that Christ-followers often argue about how literally to apply those words.

Don’t get hung up in all that. The “how” to live in the unity he’s calling for boils down to three key points that work as a family plan -- for all successful relationships:
· Be born into the family of God – As a human, submit to your need for a savior. Submit to each other. Be courageous to be real – to be known and connected to others.
· Be parented – As a child of God, commit to obedience – to being guided, taught, disciplined always.
· Be a parent – As a mature believer, “reproduce” in all ways by nurturing others. Win hearts, not control battles. Be responsible, spiritually, for future generations.

There’s a cycle in those steps that parallels all of God’s Word. The whole of Scripture and through many “sub plots” follows this flow: Creation, Fall (failure), Discipline, Provision, Redemption, Re-creation.

Do you want to know what God’s will is for your life? There it is! Be born into the family of God and participate deeply. Be parented by seeking guidance, discipline, and growth. And be a parent by giving back what you’ve learned every chance you get!

Do more of all of these things. Everything else God desires for you will become much, much clearer if you major in these areas and focus on relationships. Invest your gifts in those pursuits, and your life will have seriously powerful Kingdom impact.

Isn’t that what you really want?

Family Values

We are called to reflect God’s character through the display of our relationships. Scary, isn’t it given all the ways we consistently fail to do it day-in and day-out?

The Apostle Paul wrote to believers in Jesus Christ in the city of Colossae concerning the church “family.”

Colossians 2 speaks to why we should labor for unity in our family: to receive the riches/understanding of the mystery of God. Colossians 3 speaks to what is required for functional/unified family to exist.

Paul says:
1Therefore if you have been raised up (set apart/set above/brought into an understanding of truth/matured) with Christ, keep seeking the things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. 2Set your mind on the things above, not on the things that are on earth. 3For you have died and your life is hidden with Christ in God.

4When Christ, who is our life, is revealed, then you also will be revealed with Him in glory. 5Therefore consider the members of your earthly body as dead to immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and greed, which amounts to idolatry. 6For it is because of these things that the wrath of God will come upon the sons of disobedience, 7and in them you also once walked, when you were living in them.

That is the path to disunity.

8But now you also, put them all aside: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and abusive speech from your mouth. 9Do not lie to one another, since you laid aside the old self with its evil practices, 10and have put on the new self who is being renewed to a true knowledge according to the image of the One who created him …

12So, as those who have been chosen of God, holy and beloved, put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience; 13bearing with one another, and forgiving each other, whoever has a complaint against anyone; just as the Lord forgave you, so also should you.

That is the path to unity – the fruit Paul describes in Galatians 5.

14Beyond all these things put on love, which is the perfect bond of unity. 15Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body; and be thankful. 16Let the word of Christ richly dwell within you, with all wisdom teaching and admonishing one another... (Not perfect harmony without conflict – but unity of purpose)
17Whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks through Him to God the Father.

That’s God’s vision for His family; and those verses are the basis for my family’s values – our purpose to exist as a family. From that purpose Brad and I established the rules and guidelines for our home. That section of Scripture is the “why?” behind the rules, based on God’s design.
All the principles outlined in the text are critical. We are called to the following – regardless of circumstances:
- To be raised up in Christ (different/mature/focused on Him with “eyes up”)
- To have a perspective on why we are “here” (to know and love God -- and to show his glory through our relationships to an unbelieving world)
- To be able to obey to submit to His ways as always the best for us like we really, really, really believe it! – and overcome the dark side of ourselves through transformation
- To produce fruit
- To unity of purpose and intent
- To thankfulness
- To do everything as unto Christ.

Got it? Great!
It’s not all that hard to understand those things. The hard part is living it. The big question is, “HOW?” Given the mess and stress of family connections – and the mess and stress in my own heart – in your heart – how to we get there? Can we get there?

The Meaning of Life

You can pick your friends…You can pick your nose…You can, perhaps, even pick your friend’s nose, although I’d suggest asking for permission first!


But they say you can’t pick your family. Is that true?


Families are defined by biology; but not completely. Family is a concept that everyone endorses. No one disparages the value of close-knit kinship. Everyone dreams of unity and peace. But family definitions and dynamics get pretty complicated, don’t they?


Brad and I are in the process of being approved to adopt a child between 8-12 from foster care. It’s been an enlightening and stretching process. One of our assignments was to draw a family connections map. It’s there on the right.


It was eye-opening to draw all the connections to family and friends. We have good bio-families, but there are dysfunctions. We have divorces that have created complications. Some of our family connections are strong, sweet, and amazingly deep. Some are strained to say the least. The point of the map to me is that family is a wacky, wonderful, frustrating, flowing, fabulous, flawed mess! No family is free of stress, strain, personality conflicts, insensitive or hurtful words and deeds. But we are called to unity of purpose despite the truth that complete, constant harmony is unattainable this side of heaven.


Unity among God’s family has been the plan since Adam was introduced to Eve. It’s our fallen nature that gets in the way. Jesus prayed for all believers – the family of God – in John 17:

May they (all of us) be brought to complete unity to let the world know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me. "Father, I want those you have given me (his family) to be with me where I am, and to see my glory, the glory you have given me because you loved me before the creation of the world. "Righteous Father, though the world does not know you, I know you, and they know that you have sent me. I have made you known to them, and will continue to make you known in order that the love you have for me may be in them and that I myself may be in them."

This is the call on all of us as family: Unity of purpose in order to make God and his character known is the meaning of life.

We are called to reflect his character through the display of our relationships. Scary, isn’t it - given all of the complex connections and all the ways we consistently fail to do it day-in and day-out?


Do come back. God has much more to say on this subject.